I recently received these emails from a guy named Dan, who reads my blog:
I wonder if you can help me understand what this girl is really trying to say to me. I think she likes me, but will we have to wait a while? Am I wrong in assuming that? Any insights or advice you can offer me would be appreciated.
Dan attached the message the girl sent to him:
After Saturday afternoon, I was ready to stop communicating with you. But then I was able to think about it more rationally, and I realized that you deserve an explanation about what’s going to happen.
It’s Monday morning now, and I miss you. But I don’t want my loneliness and my horniness to affect our outcome. I need you to understand that I love you, but this isn’t what I want or need right now.
You were correct when you said that I’m scared of falling in love again. But my real fear is letting somebody get so close to me that they influence my decisions. I’ve always gone along with the guy I was with. I can’t do that to myself anymore, no matter how perfect and amazing the guy is for me.
Pure and simple, I can’t let anyone get in my way of being me and doing what I want to do. I can’t let other people control me anymore. I know you wouldn’t do that intentionally to me, but the fact that I felt guilty about leaving you k, and about the possible effects on you from me doing what I want to do is more than enough to tell me that I have to walk away from you. And I have to walk away now, before I start thinking about it too much and flipping out that I made a bad decision.
You haven’t done anything wrong, Dan. You’ve been amazing to me. I hate the fact that this has to happen. I’m sorry this note is so long, but I always freeze up when I get emotional. I wanted to get my thoughts down in writing so we can discuss them later.
I love you (too much),
My Response to Dan
At first read, it seems like you haven’t done anything to make Julie feel how she feels. On the surface, that’s 100 percent correct. But the problem is that Julie is so confused about men right now that no matter what you do, it’s just going to confuse her more.
When a woman is confused, the best thing to do is to tell her, “I understand you feel confused. I’m 100 percent here for you. But you need to take some time to get your thoughts together. Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, please call me. I’ll be here to listen, and to help you figure this all out.”
When women get confused, many men default into salesman mode. Instead of just listening and being there for her, men try and talk the woman out of being confused. That never helps.
Sometimes when women feel vulnerable, they may be having difficulty letting go. They don’t want to hear a guy sell himself. They want to know that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, and that you’ll be there to listen and understand.
So next time you’re dealing with a confused woman, take time and listen to her. Don’t waste time trying to fix her. Give her the time she needs to think through and process what she’s going through. As long as she knows you’ll be there, she’ll come around.
This is all about giving women the breathing room they need. Julie is obviously young and in a dramatic stage of her life. Good luck, Dan.
Feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comments section. I might answer you in my next post!